Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Letters to Players Who Do Annoying Crap

Dear Auction House Vendors,

Stop posting your items one at a time.  If I go to the AH looking for... Volatile Earth, say, then more than likely, I need a pile of it. You guys who are trying to underbid each other and post your items at the cheapest looking price make it so that I always have to click past seven pages before I can see the guys who post in stacks of five or ten... and still underbid you. It really is less trouble for me to do it this way than it is for me to buy ten of your auctions and then get all ten of them from the mailbox.  But still, it's really a pain in the butt to have to go through this every time I need needs some materials. You're losing sales from anybody with an AH add-on that shows the percentage of market value, which is almost everybody. Why not wise up and save everybody some trouble?


Dear Enhancement Shaman Who Complained Incessantly about Using CC in Heroic Grim Batol the Other Night,

What's the matter with you? Do you have a functional brain at all? Have you not gotten the point that CC is necessary for things like... keeping everybody from dying?

Yes, these mobs were half dead from our bombing run on the red drakes, but they still hit the tank like bruisers, and when you decided you didn't want to Hex that ogre, then you had no basis to complain when he killed you with his whirlwind attack. I was doing everything I could to keep the tank alive thanks to the additional damage you let into the fight and I was not going to save your ass.

Similarly, when that elemental you didn't bind charged me while I was healing, stunned me and locked me out of my nature spells for six seconds, the only logical thing to result from this was the death of the tank and, very quickly, everybody else. And it was your fault.

And just... just don't get me started on how you thought you could "outrun" Erudax's Shadow Gale. That was just plain stupid. And you did it twice.

If all you know how to do is blind zerg every fight, go play in the Northrend dungeons and leave the adults alone.

Best regards,


Dear Trade Chat Trolls,

I know that you guys are just acting out in a desperate plea for attention. Your mothers didn't love you. Yes, I know. The teacher wouldn't call on you in class, even when you had your hand up and knew the answer! So now, you sit around the Internet, picking fights with people so that they will give you that precious, unrequited attention you so desperately desire.

Keep up the good work! I've had trade chat turned off for two years now and feel like a better person for it. There's this feeling, logging into WoW, knowing that my experience will be unsullied by that one moron who always complains how much Alliance sucks at PvP, although he's really not been into a battleground since the Burning Crusade. It makes my heart feel lighter. And I won't see that guy in the BG either, so it's all good.

Sometimes, when the server is coming down for maintenance, I just stand there on a mountaintop by myself overlooking SW and type "Last Word." And you know what? I do get the last word because I'm not actually competing with the 246 of you in Trade Chat who have a "/2 Last Word" macro bound to your keyboard just so you can spam it in an attempt to win this meaningless competition.

Know any good Chuck Norris jokes? I don't, because I don't have to listen to those either. Nor is there the listing of stuff like "Anal Purification" or movies renamed with "murloc" in the title (Hoo boy! "Three Men and a Murloc," what a classic!)

Anyway. If you too are getting tired of that whole scene, allow me offer advice advanced by Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters: "Ritalin is easy. Ritalin is good!" The first step to stop being a Trade Troll is to admit you have a problem and seek medical treatment, and then you too, can start to act like a normal human being!

All the best,



Dear Horde,

This is a touchy subject that I don't fully understand, so if you could explain it to me, that would be great.

Why are so many of you guys flagged in the Twilight Highlands? Is there some Horde-side daily quest that requires you to flag up? I really don't understand it, and it's only in the Twilight Highlands, and when I kill many of you, it's clear that you're not bad-ass enough to actually just walk around looking like that.

About that "killing you" part. Yeah, sorry about that. That's honestly not my intention most of the time in the Twilight Highlands  Personally, I'm a fan of world PvP, but I have a fairly strict code about it. I don't go looking for a fight, but I'll end it if one gets started. For example, if you pop into Elwynn Forest and start killing questgivers, and I'm in the neighborhood, you should expect to die. And probably get camped too. And if you call in your friends to get you out of trouble, I'll just call in my friends to even the odds. Players who think it's "fun" to kill low level quest givers honestly have this treatment coming to them. And hey, I think it's "fun" to take them out, so it's all good.

But the Twilight Highlands... I'll come into a Wildhammer village and engage the Horde NPCs there, and then I tab target and tag one of you who don't seem to be really looking to fight. But now I'm flagged and it's your fault, and the first thing I'm gonna do is kill your ass to make sure you can't do it to me. Same thing when I'm in Thundermarr and there's a tauren warrior arguing with the guy who's going to give me my daily quests. He's dead. He probably never even saw me coming as I shoved a lava burst up his itchy tauren butt.  Why are you guys putting yourselves in this situation?

So, really, what's going on here? I honestly don't want to pick on somebody not looking for a fight. I'm not that kind of player. But you guys are getting in my way in the Twilight Highlands. Can we come to some sort of mutual understanding about this?




  1. Turned off ALL the global chats about 3 years ago. Makes playing so much more enjoyable.

  2. I think about the only reason I have trade on these days, besides actually trading, is to report the infinite number of retards who continually make toons named "Niggers" or "Sluttygirl" or such. Blizz really should make a stricter naming system

  3. I always wonder if the number of people who go with the offensive names are really that big, or if it's the same people who keep coming back every time they get called on being offensive.